When drummer, Ben Dussault left Throwdown in 2008, I felt lost. I was quite sure I was finished seeing this California-based Metal outfit as a live act. I reasoned that if I wanted to hear their music, I could easily stay in my graveyard and listen to any one of their five, pulverizing releases. The reason I went to their shows anyway was to watch Ben. Throughout their performances, the muscle-bound and sweatdrenched skin-basher would stand up from behind his drum kit, clad only in basketball shorts, smile his overgrown-boyscout-smile and make a big "X" with his drum sticks (signifying his commitment to a straight-edge lifestyle). It was truly something to behold. For me, going to a Throwdown show felt less like a Metal concert and more like some Las Vegas, Chippendale revue.
But alas, with his departure an entire era was over. And initially, I thought I was too.
Not wanting the group to realize what a shallow piece of shit the gay undead truly are, I decided to hang in there for awhile. Good thing I did. It's given me a wonderful opportunity to take a second look at vocalist Dave Peters. Like Ben, Dave takes good, straight-edge care of his cadaver. It too, is rippled with muscles. But rather than copying Ben's "boy next door" appeal, Dave has developed his own special allure for the stage. Normally laid back and affable when not in front of a mic, Dave somehow transforms himself into a snarling, drill seargeant for every show. When he takes stage, he doesn't walk across it; he swaggers across it - inflated with pure, boot-camp machismo. I almost want to drop and do 20 every time I see it. I want to drop to my knees at the very least.
I am of the personal opinion that Drill Sergeant Dave is most likely well hung. It's not just wishful thinking on my part. The rumors have certainly swirled around my ranks for years now. After trying to find out through an ill-fated attempt at unbuckling his pants while he was on stage at one show, I once asked him, point blank, backstage. He just shyly smiled and didn't say anything. That told me everything I needed to know. Experience has taught me that straight men who are insecure about the size of their package will almost always tell you how huge they are. Those that have the goods, however, are usually quite about it. For one, they are silent because they don't want a cock-hungry-zombie, such as myself, to find out. But two, they are silent because they often have mixed feelings about having such a large appendage. While any self-respecting, gay man would throw himself a parade to celebrate his penile length and girth, a straight man often has had numerous unpleasant experiences with female mortals that were physically hurt by it. As one straight, male mortal put it to me: "having a big cock is a blessing and a curse."
Personally, if Dave is "blessed," I think he should capitalize on it. I suggested he make a "do-it-yourself" mold and dildo of his penis and release it as a Throwdown merchandise product. He could call it "Dave Peter's Peter."
I know I'd buy it.
Anyway, while Dave's larger than life, military stage appeal and more than likely large wiener is enough to make any gay zombie drool, we now have something more to make our rotting hearts go pitter patter.
Dave can actually sing.
Throwdown's brand new CD, Deathless (great title and cover, but no hot pictures of the band! ), features one Mr. Peters showing that not only can he growl with the best of them, but push some clean air as well. At first, the effect is quite startling. Possibly most enjoyably used with the first track "The Scythe," (which is right up there with Slayer's "World Painted Blood" for my current favorite song to bang my head to), it returns in each song after that. At times, Dave's tortured, vocal style has a symphonic element to it - almost like something you might hear on Type O Negative's Bloody Kisses. It definitely adds a cinematic quality to the songs, giving them a depth they wouldn't have had otherwise. On the down side, it tends to hold the same sad, bleak emotional tone throughout all 12 songs. Or maybe it conforms to the mood of the songs. Whatever the case may be, while it's appropriate for Metal and it's initially enjoyable, it does become rather numbing when you listen to the whole CD from beginning to end. I was left wanting something...more, but I can't put a finger on what it was. So I recommend listening to Deathless in smaller batches. That way you'll not only get all your heavy metal itches scratched to satisfaction, but you really get to hear how well these songs are executed. They're tight, painfully heavy, and at times, quite experimental. In addition to "The Scythe," I am also quite fond of "Tombs," "This Continuum" and "Burial At Sea." Check out the stoner groove in "Skeleton Vanguard. Good stuff. Though I'd be willing to gaurantee that Throwdown have, yet again, pissed off some of their fans who don't want the band to change, I don't really feel it was the group's intention to necessarily piss anyone off. The album sounds like they are doing what they always have: ignoring the rules and moving forward. If Deathless is an indication where the group is heading musically, I'm very curious to hear what they come up with next.
Wee Wee Tally: Cool Album cover + 3 inches. I miss the Throwdown logo on the cover - 1 inch. No hot pictures of band in CD booklet - 2 inches. Ben isn't in the group - 5 inches. However, Dave is hot + 4 inches. He is rumored to be well hung, + 4.5 inches, But rumors, being just rumors, might be false - 5 inches. However, when asked, he said nothing, which is probably a good sign he is well hung + 2 inches. But he's quiet off stage, anyway, so he still might not be well hung - 3 inches. If he is well hung, the cool factor of him making a Dave Peter's Peter dildo + 4 inches. Dave can sing + 3 inches. Not enough diversity in singing style - 2 inches. Songs are well-cronstructed, heavy metal songs + 3 inches. Not enough diversity in song style - 6 inches. Band is doing what they want to do, which is what rock and roll is all about + 3 inches.
Wee Wee Total: 7 1/2 inches of wee wee, attached to a singing, drill sergeant.