FEATURE MURDER

11 years ago, I began a killing spree. Freshly undead and eager to insure the success of my band, Maris The Great and The Faggots of Death, I embarked on an ambitious, if not murderous plan to rid the world of groups I deemed as a competitive threat. I have seen and experienced many things over the last decade plus, not the least of which, is the bloody demise of over 110 bands.

Never did I expect to fall in love. Most surprised am I to have found myself smitten by a male mortal named Jomosexual (you know him as musician and guitarist Joe Mondragon). He's tall, has a dashing smile, is covered in man fur and reputedly has a large wang. Yes, yes, he identifies as heterosexual, but I felt I could change all that. With this one, I was under the belief I had a real chance to change his vagina-loving ways. And so, I had members of my undead army kidnap Jomo, bringing him before me, bound and gagged, that I might might begin our necromance.

Unfortunately, there always has to be party poopers. If it isn't some boy-stealing, female mortal, it has to be some meddling band of do-gooders, intent on saving Jomo from my nefarious clutches. Such a band is Bad.

Jomo had briefly worked with this Denver-based, "Dark Rock Opera" outfit and they felt obliged to come to his rescue. They should have minded their own business, because they were doing quite well for themselves. Brimming over with enthusiastic creativity, tenacity and a penchant for writing hook-laden odes to some of the darker slices of mortal existence, Bad has been making a growing amount of noise here in the mile high city. They have a kind of self made electricity I've only seen in a handful of groups over the last decade. It's the kind of inner sparkle that always translates well to success. That is, unless they try to steal the boy toy meals of the gay undead ...Read More